Unwelcome Home
by SharanMcQuack
Summary: How "Ruby or not ruby" should have been written. In my opinion. Whose opinion did you expect ME to write ? Not my fault Boom's not selling what I want to buy. Sequel to " Mr. McDuck's missing Treasures"


Unwelcome home  
>By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.<p>

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><p>Not happy with the title.<p>

Based all too loosely on part two of "Rightful owners, part two "Ruby or not ruby" in Boom's Ducktales #2. Just bought it.

I am NOT making this up: do you remember how in DW Launchpad "stupidly" put spice into brownies? Just the other day I saw chocolates with Japanese hot chili flavor.

Do you remember when the public wanted smaller cars so Chevy made smaller cars, only they hated making little cars, so they made really bad little cars? Boom is making really bad Ducktales comics.

I just bought Ducktales #3. I'm starting to hope I'm WRONG in my belief that Disney could make mucho lira if they stopped making Launchpad look like a dope and SELL him already. Then their refusal to do so would MAKE SENSE!

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><p>We were coming back to Duckburg with the recovered candy striped ruby. Launchpad had tied up the fishing boat at the port and we got off. However, it seems we were expected.<p>

Some of the Beagle Boys (it's a BIG family) were lying in wait to met us and greet us. And swipe whatever treasure we had regained, to sell to the highest bidder. But they were a tad too eager and TRIED to jump us a little too fast.

Not only did Mr. McDee managed to dodge them, but he wasn't even carrying the Ruby, Launchpad was. (1) Launchpad threw a pass with the ruby; he passed it to Huey, who passed it to Dewey, who passed it to Louie, who TRIED to pass to Mr. McDuck.

However, before our heroes could get a full-fledged game of "monkey in the middle" going the Beagles all piled on poor Louie, who STILL managed to pass the ruby, but miss-threw in his haste and fear. It went over Mr. McDuck's head by a country mile!  
>Launchpad jumped for the ruby.<p>

"Make sure Louie's OK!" Launchpad said.

"Oh, I will!" Mr. McDuck replied.

And he waded into the Beagles, as did Huey and Dewey. As soon as Launchpad caught the ruby, he joined in.

"You want the ruby? You got the ruby!" Launchpad said.

And he clouted the Beagles on their heads with the ruby. Then, one of the Beagles pushed Launchpad HARD, and Launchpad nearly fell on Huey. Launchpad managed to right himself, but while Launchpad was still a tad unsteady, the same Beagle pushed even harder the other way and Launchpad fell on Mr. McDuck.

"Sorry, boss. I am a little clumsy. And he caught me off guard." Launchpad said, shamefaced.

"It's all right, Launchpad. I saw you avoiding falling on Huey and I cannot get mad at you for that." Mr. McDuck said

Since the Beagles heard sirens wailing in the distance, they ran for it. Duckburg's Finest soon arrived. When the cops saw Mr. McDuck, they tripped over themselves to be polite to them, but they STILL wanted to know what had happened. Mr. McDuck explained, and the cops offered to give him a police escort home with the ruby. Mr. McDuck refused, politely.

"But Mr. McDee...the Beagles are sure to try again! This way, we can get the ruby to the mansion- where it should be safe in an alarmed locked showcase!" Launchpad objected.

"That's why I want to get rid of the cops. The Beagles will try again. And again. Until they're behide bars. The sooner they try again, the sooner we can catch them." Mr. McDuck whispered. "DON'T BE SILLY, LAUNCHPAD. THE BEAGLES ARE LONG GONE. "Mr. McDuck then shouted.

MEANWHILE, back on Rubycon Isle...Flintheart Glomgold, Magica DeSpell and another bunch of Beagles are locked up in the local jail. Magica tried to magic her way out, but the bars were made of iron, and magic doesn't work on iron. Flintheart tried bribery, but the locals aren't interested in money. The Beagles tried tunneling out, but the jail was on solid bedrock. Primitive does NOT mean stupid.

It wasn't until the bad guys were desperate enough to work together (bad guys are very uncooperative) that they finally made good their escape. Once they were loose, they all went after the ruby...every bad guy for themselves.

Magica flew towards Duckburg on her broomstick. Flintheart ordered Butch Beagle to fly him to Duckburg. Bomber flew his brothers towards home, Duckburg. but as soon as their planes were well over empty ocean, Magica flew out of no place and zapped their planes.

"I normally do this to Launchpad, but you guys will crash just as nicely!" she cackled.

Then she flew off in triumph, figuring the field would soon be clear for her to steal Scrooge's treasure and offer to swap it for the Dime. Or else she would destroy the treasure out of spite.

Butch Beagle flew towards a tiny isle he knew was nearby and risked his life to get Bomber to follow him.

"What are you doing? Land this thing!" Flinty screamed.

"Not without my brothers. Not if I can prevent it." Butch replied.

It still bugged Butch, being cast out from his family for being honest. Both planes managed to land with the passengers unharmed. but the planes were ruined. Soon, Butch was checking out Flinty's plane.

"It's no good, boss. The plane is totaled. So is cousin Bomber's". Butch reported.

"Who cares about THEM? How are we going to get OFF this overgrown sand bar?" Flintheart snorted.

"I care. And I'm going to talk with cousin Bomber. About getting all of us off this overgrown sand bar." Butch replied.

And Butch went to speak to his cousin.

"What do YOU want, ya lousy goody two shoes?" Bomber asked.

"To get back to Duckburg. My plane is totaled. So is yours." Butch began.

"I think if we work together, combine resources, we can get one plane fixed. We can get off this tiny island, IF we help each other." Butch continued.

"I can't fix my plane, not without parts I don't have. Neither can you, right? We can cannibalize one plane to fix the other." Butch finished.

"We'll have to look at both planes, see which one we strip to fix the other." Bomber agreed.

"You're going along with that wage slave?" Big Time asked.

"How else are we getting off of here? You see anyplace to swipe parts to fix this plane around here?" Bomber asked.

"There's nothing on this stinking isle except US!" Big Time replied.

"Bingo. We gotta work with him...at least long enough to get the plane working." Bomber said.

The two understood each other, they were ALREADY planning to leave Butch and Flinty behide and take the fixed plane home, even before they started fixing a plane. Not that Butch didn't know that. But if he didn't TRY to work with his family, he and Flinty were stranded. So, as soon as Butch could he took Flintheart aside and said:

"Listen, boss. I KNOW this so-called family of mine. They are bound to try to leave us here as soon as one plane's fixed. We got to keep an eye on them to prevent it." Butch warned.

"You mean they are going to leave YOU stranded on this isle. I'M bribing them to take me with them. What happens to you is YOUR problem." Flintheart replied, living up to his name.

So Flinty went to Bomber and paid Bomber to take him with him, as Bomber's plane was in better shape and Flinty owned the plane Butch flew. To Flinty's surprise, Butch still helped them fix the plane.

"Why are you helping?" Flintheart asked suspiciously.

"You have a gun with you. You always do. You'll shoot me if I don't help. "Butch began.

"This way, I'm left here ALIVE. I'll have my plane for shelter, all the fish I can catch to eat...some air traffic controller bound to notice a plane taking off in the middle of no place and this isle on the main shipping lane. "Butch continued.

"I won't be stranded here long. IF you kill me, they might find my body and out and out murder even YOU might not buy your way off of." Butch finished.

Flinty was still suspicious and watched Butch for signs of treachery. But Flinty was thinking that Butch would attack them or poison them or sabotage their plane and Butch had no such intention. Instead, when Butch put a new metal panel on the plane's cargo bay to replace a ripped one, he "accidently" made it into a makeshift door that he could open, shut and lock and open from the inside.

Butch also made a scarecrow "Butch". So when Flinty and the other Beagles took off, thinking they left Butch stranded on the isle, Butch had opened the secret door, hid inside the cargo bay and left with them. Only the lifeless "Butch" doll, made of old clothes and stuffed with seaweed was left behide.

MEANWHILE, back in Duckburg (2), Launchpad was driving (3) a car Mr. McDee had rented. Launchpad at first tried to get to the Mansion by the fastest route possible- until he spotted Magica on her broom, following them. THEN, Launchpad tried various short cuts hoping to "lose" her. Including cutting thur an automobile "graveyard"

Launchpad soon noticed Magica WASN'T zapping them.

"Blast all this iron! Blast all this steel! I can't do anything magic with it around!" Magica sputtered in disgust!

Hearing this, Launchpad drove into a giant iron sewer pipe that had been dug up because it leaked dreadfully. It was at the auto junkyard because it stunk and nobody else wanted it.

Launchpad had cut thur the junkyard simply because he figured Magica would have a hard time hitting them with her zaps in the narrow, curving alleyways. Hearing about her problem with iron, he drove into the pipe for protection.

"That explains why Magica never just zapped me Dime out of me Bin! The Bin's built with plenty of iron and steel!" Mr. McDuck crowed.

HOWEVER, the Beagles who had most recently tried to swipe the Ruby saw our heroes drive into the auto graveyard and used old auto parts to prepare a trap for them. The Beagles did NOT expect Launchpad to drive into the giant sewer pipe. The Beagles accidently caught MAGICA in their trap. Since the Beagles had used old auto parts for their trap, the trap had plenty of iron and steel in it. Magica was truly caught.

"Let me out of here!" Magica screamed.

"Why don't you just zap your way out?" Bicep asked.

"I can't. Magic doesn't work on steel or iron. " Magica lamented.

"Why don't we keep her? Make her use her magic for us?" another Beagle asked.

"Let me go!" Magica shouted.

This scared the Beagles a bit, and they argued whether or not it would be safe to enslave Magica.

Launchpad and Mr. McDuck overheard all this.

"Magica! If you promise to return my treasures and henceforth leave my Dime alone, I'll free you!" Mr. McDuck offered.

"Never! I'll go to.." Magica said, pointing down towards you-know-where "Wait! That gives me an idea!"

Magica used her magic not on the trap itself, but on the ground she was standing on. She made a round black cartoon hole underneath herself. Then she popped up, right next to the Beagles. Magica was ticked off at them.

"TRY TO ENSLAVE ME, WILL YOU?" Magica roared.

"Mr. McD? I think we better scram. Offering to help Magica escape enslavement was the right thing to do. Staying too close when she's mad at somebody ELSE..." Launchpad began.

"Is stupid and hazardous to our health!" finished Mr. McDuck.

They ran like fun, hopped into the car and attempted to get the bleep out of there while Magica and the Beagles were fighting with each other.

Launchpad went back to his original strategy of trying to get to the money Bin by the fastest route possible. Soon, they saw the vacant lot where the Trins play baseball up ahead. Then, Launchpad saw something flying overhead and looked up to make sure it wasn't Magica.

Launchpad breathed a sigh of relief that it was only a plane. Then he remembered that only he and I are allowed to fly planes that close to the Money Bin. Launchpad looked closer and recognized it's markings as a Beagle plane.(4)

_() () Are they nuts, flying so close to the Bin? They'll be shot down for sure!()() _Launchpad thought.

"Mr. McDee? I think the Beagles are after your Bin AGAIN. That's a Beagle plane flying overhead, WAY too close to the bin." Launchpad said.

The plane was flown by Bomber Beagle, it was the plane that had been stranded on that tiny isle, and that still had Butch Beagle hiding in the cargo bay.

"Hey, Bomber, Scroogie can't be home yet, can he? What do you say we parachute down, leaving this wreck on automatic pilot? While the Money Bin's defenses are busy warning this plane away and then shooting it down, we might be able to break into the Bin!" Big Time schemed.

"I don't have a parachute!" Flintheart objected.

"Ain't that just too bad? And you don't know how to fly a plane, neither, do you?" Big Time said.

Now, Butch, still hiding in the cargo bay, overheard this. And he opened the cargo bay door, hitting Big Time smack on the back of his skull and knocked Big Time unconscious. Flintheart jumped Bomber and while the two of them were fighting, Butch grabbed the co-pilot controls and made an emergency landing on the previously mentioned vacant lot.

Flintheart knocked Bomber out cold.

As soon as the plane was down safely, Launchpad went to see if everybody in the plane was OK.

"That was some crash!" said Launchpad, who likes a good (I.E: one where nobody gets hurt) emergency landing.

"How do you like me NOW, boss?" Butch asked.

"Hmpf." Flintheart said, and he stalked off.

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Butch screamed. " I gotta find a better boss."

"Ever consider starting your own business? I don't know the first thing about running a business. I'm no good at that sort of thing. But maybe YOU could?" Launchpad suggested.

"Hmm. I do have a nest egg hidden away. I'll think about it." Butch said.

Sirens wailed in the distance as the cops came to investigate the crash. Butch left, not wanting to answer questions. Then Magica flew overhead on her broomstick and dropped the OTHER Beagles right near the crash.

"Here! Lock these clowns up, too. Since you offered to free me and gave the idea on how to escape that trap, I'll give you a pass for the rest of the day, Scroogie!" Magica said.

And she flew off.

The cops came, who upon being told that the Beagles tried to rob Mr. McDuck, took said Beagles to jail.

The End.

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><p>(1) What does it tell you that Mr. McDee trusts Launchpad to carry a one-of-a-kind ruby worth lord knows how much? Other than his insulting Launchpad is meaningless?<br>Please explain to me why Mr. McDee can't ADMIT to trusting Launchpad when it's painfully oblivious Mr. McDuck does. And even more oblivious that he should.

(2) Is it possible that "Calisota" is the name of the PLANET, not the state? That would be less awkward and less egocentric than Earth-something.

(3) Mr. McDee does NOT know how to drive a car, fly a plane, steer a boat, or operate any vehicle with a motor. He's no good at that sort of thing. Nobody is good at EVERYTHING. I, for instance, can't spell worth beans. You probably noticed that.

(4) Launchpad can tell. Don't ask ME how, he can tell.


End file.
